The King of Overkill
by FullmetalWizard1995
Summary: A not-so surprise attack by Imperial Occupation Army leader Jarod, and it looks like all is doomed. But then HE shows up, to save the revered Priestess of Dawn! ...and steal all her exp. What a deal. CRACK.


**This is cracky fluff at its best! Also, I really wanted to make fun of the Black Knight and how he appears to "save" Micaiah (read: steal all the exp). **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fire Emblem. **

Twas a warm, breezy night in Daein. The Dawn Brigade—as well as Tormod, Nailah, Rafiel, Muarim, Vika, Zihark, Jill, and Tauroneo—were rejoicing at the news that the Apostle Sanaki of Begnion was sending an inspection team to Daein, led by Prime Minister Sephiran. But Micaiah was not partaking in the festivities. She instead wandered into the forest, far from the safety of her shadow Sothe, to rest, and to the surprise of no one except Micaiah, Jarod appeared with soldiers to silence Micaiah once and for all.

Thus, little Micaiah stood between two trees, while Jarod looked menacingly on. He said, "I'm doomed, thanks to you." Flashback to the news of the inspection team, and Micaiah understood. "But if I have to go down, I'm taking someone with me..."

Cue the bad feeling…

"The vice-general to the Daein Liberation Army, the revered Priestess of Dawn."

But though Micaiah was afraid to die, she firmly believed that Daein would keep going. "Even if you kill me, the kingdom of Daein will be reborn. As long as the prince survives," she shook her fist triumphantly in the air, "the people will fight."

Jarod snickered. "Hah! The prince! He's a sham, a travesty, a clod of mud no amount of polishing could shine. The real jewel—whose radiance attracts the people like moths to flame—is you, Priestess. And so I shall steal you and extinguish Daein's light of hope! Know despair, Priestess of Dawn!" And he charged at Micaiah, lance bared. Micaiah prepared for death.

And then _he _showed up.

Something that felt like a thousand pound steel door smashed Jarod's face and sent him flying back. When the stars stopped dancing, he found himself face to face with a giant black wall.

"Be at ease, Maiden," the wall said, "I shall not let him harm you. I was once one of the Four Riders, serving the army of old Daein. If you recall the name of the Black Knight, you will withdraw from this place at once."

Jarod blinked, shook his head, blinked again, thought about it, and said, "Riiiight! That's precious. You're the legendary Black Knight? Maybe you haven't heard...he died in the war. But let's put your claim to the test, if only to indulge my own amusement." He sneered.

The Black Knight growled, "Then have at me...and learn your folly."

Jarod, having half a brain, made a relatively smart move. Dancing back, he grinned, "In due time. But before I bother, why don't you have a go-round with my restless minions?" He turned, ran, and yelled, "Douse the torches!"

The Black Knight, ever the pillar of reassurance, said, "Maiden. I shall be your shield. Remain by my side." Micaiah figured that was better than dying, and something about the massive overbearing black figure made her feel safe. Maybe because he was on her side. In any event, the battle began.

It started out innocently enough: Adam the soldier wanted very much to impress Jarod, whom he idolized. He decided the best way to prove this was to attack this Black Knight person, do some damage, hopefully sustain none himself, and live to tell the tale. But the king of overkill doesn't work that way. Adam really thought he had a chance; the Black Knight is an absolutely massive target, theoretically impossible to miss, yet Adam missed. By a long shot. His hit was zero. His damage was also zero. It was sad.

And then it was the Black Knight's turn.

Adam chanced a glance at the stat screen now, and he started shaking in his boots. The Black Knight, under his helmet, grinned evilly and began to hum his theme. He slowly approached Adam. The Black Knight raised his sword; his total damage would be 45, nearly double Adam's HP, but he got a critical hit anyway, absolutely rubbing in the fact that he's the Black Knight the most powerful figure in all of Tellius and no matter what you do if you go up against him you're going to die and that's that.

Long story short, Adam died. The Black Knight gained one experience point. Or he would have, had he not already been maxed out.

The next player phase, Micaiah took the opportunity to attack, from her safe spot behind the Black Knight and between two trees, a soldier who had come within range but couldn't attack at a distance. She did about 12 damage. Pleased with herself, she proceeded to wait patiently for the next turn when she could finish him off.

But the dimwitted idiot with the lance decided that he wasn't going to learn from Adam's mistake and instead moved to attack the Black Knight. The soldier braced himself for impact. The Black Knight activated Eclipse, neutralizing the soldier's defense and doing five times the damage, even though the damage he did initially was triple the soldier's remaining HP. The poor soldier…another victim of terminal overkill.

This went on for another three or so turns before Micaiah finally said something. "Excuse me? Mr. Black Knight? Do you mind?" The Black Knight ignored her, choosing instead to take out Stan with an unnecessary critical hit, who had been stupid enough to challenge him. Begnion soldiers, these days…

"Do you mind?" Micaiah said a little louder. "I think the point of this stage is for me to gain experience so I don't suck so badly and die in one hit. All you're supposed to do is be a barrier so I don't get overwhelmed and die in one turn."

The Black Knight spoke now. "Maiden. I must protect you."

"Uh…okay…then could you let me gain a few levels? Please?"

The Black Knight Eclipsed another soldier before saying, "I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my complete and utter awesomeness."

The Black Knight is an obnoxious ass when he doesn't have to follow the script.

"Could you at least let me kill Jarod?" Micaiah was practically begging now. "I need to get _something _out of this!"

The Black Knight pondered this as another nameless soldier attacked him. His lance glanced off the armour, hardly leaving a scratch, and the poor thing was killed just by being within range of Alondite's goddesswaves.

And then Jarod appeared. After a quick exchange, the Black Knight gave Jarod exactly what he deserved: an Eclipse to the face.

Micaiah facepalmed. "Looks like I'm going to be forcibly class changed at level 9 again…"

**That happened to me once; my first playthrough, Micaiah was class changed at level 9 or 10. This current playthrough (my...fifth) she class changed at level 17. I'm quite pleased! **


End file.
